I had to think about this for a while, because I have to admit that personally I have spent more time around marriages that didn't work than around those that did. My Mom and Dad have each been divorced twice. My Mom's marriages have both died as the result of unresolved anger. So I would say that that is definitely a bad idea. I mean unless you are just really into being pissed off and miserable all the time... and if that is the case, I say go for it. I mean why forgive? Being perpetually angry and miserable probably burns a lot of calories... my Mom has always been really thin...
My Dad's second marriage ended because he was an idiot ( and an alcoholic ) who married a fellow idiot ( and alcoholic ) that he barely knew. So in big flashing lights I would have to say
* Don't be an idiot (or an alcoholic)* Those two things are definitely not good for a marriage. That divorce was actually a very good thing to us kids. We liked sober thinking Dad much better than drunk, stupid, married Dad. We are crazy like that.
Some would think that this legacy of divorce is a bad omen for me. I think not. Surely I must have learned something from all the failure, right? I really hope I did. No, I know I did. Randy and I have got it going on... in many many ways, but I have to pick three. I don't think I am an expert after only eight years at what is needed to make marriage at large work, but I can tell you the things that work for us.
The top three things that make my marriage work:
- We are best friends. I mean really the man can make me laugh until tea comes out of my nose. He listens to me bitch (and commiserates!). He likes to hear me talk. He has even been known to let me put eyeliner on him...once, under duress...when we were really bored...and young...and drunk. But yeah, he is my favoritest, as Super Z would say.
- We know how to keep it fresh. Now this blog is G rated, or PG-13 at worst, so I am not going to go into the bow-chica-wow-wow details with you ( I know, you were on the edge of your seat.), but we don't ever get tired of each other. We are not afraid to try new things. And let me tell you what, our grand finish conversations tend to be brutally honest and quite hilarious. Sometimes I can't believe the things coming out of our mouths. We should be critics... " Well on the plus side the lighting in the room was wonderful tonight..."
- Nobody wears the pants in this house. No, we don't walk around naked from the waist down...We are equal, team personified. There is no boss. ( There is bossy, but I am convinced that is a genetic flaw passed down through both lines of my family.) We are both more than willing to share our view of how the world should revolve and we are both willing to listen. Compromise is golden.