Thursday, September 1, 2016

20 Thoughts the Day Before I Turn 40

1. I used to think it was so odd when I was at other people's houses and they had chips as a side dish or cereal for dinner. In retrospect, I know this means that my mom was consistently knocking dinner out of the park in a way that defies logic. Way to go, Mama. 

2. I have come to the realization that there is no magic age that means you have grown up, and will therefore want to wake up early and be good at cleaning house and organizing cabinets. 

3. I've decided that's okay. 

4. Time goes by way too quickly. As you get older moments get shorter. Some are way too short. But with that said, being trapped in a car with a screaming toddler can bring time to a stop. 

5. Most relationships are temporary. It's hard to know that when you are in them.That doesn't make them less important. Everyone shapes you in some way. Everyone is valuable. 

6. I'm not a very likable person. Which is crazy, because I'm one of the coolest people I know. 😂 I've decided I'm just hard to get to know. And that doesn't really bother me anymore. 

7. I'm probably never going to write a book. I work a lot, doing a job I never would have planned to do. And when I'm not working, it's all about my family. That's what matters to me. 

8. The most important things about life are the moments you spend with people you love. 

9. My faith, the size of a mustard seed, was always enough. And so important. 

10. People who read more tend to be more open minded. They figure out there is more than one way to think about something. 

11. I never liked people touching me. And yet, I live in fear of the day these kids don't want to crawl all over me anymore. 

11. Working out regularly makes you feel better. It hurts at the time, but it's really worth it. 

12. Being mad at someone serves no purpose. It doesn't change anything and it just makes you unhappy. I don't have enough time to be unhappy. 

13. Sometimes, losing pieces of someone is just as hard as losing all of them. 

14. The older you get the more people you miss. But you also get more new people. 

15. I feel about 28. I don't ever feel any older. Only my body does. I hope to one day be 28 in a 90 year old body. 

16. Some days you need to just eat stuff you like. Really, it's okay. 

17. I've never cared a lot about what other people thought of me. Well, since I became a mom anyway. I care less every year. Unless I love those people, then I care SO much. 

18. Randy looks the same to me as he always has. He's super handsome and apparently never ages. I think I'll feel the same way when he's an old man. 

19. The days you remember best are the days when you slow down. You don't have to take over the world. Really, it's okay. 

20. I feel much more emotional about this whole turning 40 thing than I would have ever thought possible. It hit me like a train yesterday. But mostly it's good emotion. 

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Friday, January 22, 2016

My Dad

This summer my Daddy had a stroke. Just writing that seems wrong. Something as big as that couldn't possibly happen to me. Things might get scary, but they always work out for the best. Right? I guess this did too, because I still have my dad. But I lost some of him too, and I can't seem to get over that. I feel like the most selfish person in the world when I talk about this. I guess that's okay though. Don't we all care about our own people the most? I guess that's what makes them our people. 
Dad has aphasia and he can't express himself. He can answer questions and he will say some things, but conversation is hard for him and he isn't able to express his emotions. He can't call me and just chat. He isn't able to be silly, which is a big part of who my dad is. He does laugh though, and I love that. 
I miss talking to my dad. No, I miss my dad talking to me. It's a thing I never even considered losing. Aren't those the things that knock the wind out of you the worst?