Friday, January 22, 2016
Friday, December 20, 2013
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
The pregnancy progressed pretty well for seven months despite the fact that I was 36 and overweight. I even took a new job and continued working towards my Master's Degree.
In January my blood pressure started going up and becoming harder to control. I was ordered to monitor my blood pressure throughout the day. On January 16, they admitted me to the hospital because it had crept up to dangerous levels.
I ended up being in the hospital for nine days. During that time, it was decided that they would have to deliver the baby early. They planned the c-section for the morning of January 25. Those days in the hospital were hard on the whole family. We were scared to death of the condition that the baby would be in. She would only be 33 weeks and 6 days gestation when she was delivered. We were scared of what would happen if she wasn't delivered. The bigger kids missed their mom.
When Sydney was delivered at 8:59AM on January 25, she weighed 5 lbs and 2 oz. She was 18 inches long. Although she was a good size for her gestational age, she was not able to regulate her own temperature and her breathing was a bit erratic. They sent her to the NICU almost immediately.
As soon as I got to the recovery room they told me that I could call the NICU to check on the baby. I must have called 50 times in the hour that I spent in the recovery room. I can't even describe how I felt. I have never been so worried in my life.
After I got to the room, they told me that they would allow me to go to the NICU to see her as soon as I could walk. I was out of bed walking within the hour. If I felt pain, I didn't notice it. All I wanted in the world was to see that baby.
Something I had never considered before my experience, was how it felt to be a new mother with a baby in the NICU. It had just never occurred to me how much it must hurt to not be able to hold your baby or have them in your room. Even the simplest things like showing the baby to friends and introducing her to siblings weren't possible. The children were not allowed to even go into the NICU.
For the three nights I was in the hospital after she was born all I did was pump every two hours, visit the baby at least every three hours for feeding, and cry. If I heard another baby cry in the hall I would cry. When I would leave her to come back to my room, I would cry. When I would wake up and realize that I had slept more than two hours and I didn't even know if she was sleeping or awake, I would cry.
The worst part, was knowing that I was going to have to leave the hospital without her on Monday morning. When the social worker came in and told me that they expected for her to be in NICU for two weeks, I cried like a baby...more than my baby, because all she was capable of was sleeping. I kind of felt sorry for the poor social worker...it was almost like she didn't encounter sobbing mothers daily.
When Randy and I left the hospital on Monday, we went by the NICU and told them that we would be back later that afternoon. Walking across the breezeway, getting in that car, and driving home without my baby physically hurt me. I can't even explain it. Some of the emotions that I felt during that time, I don't even have words for. Hurt, worry, fear, heartbreak...they don't cover it. I had no idea how I would make it through the next two weeks without losing my mind.
......To be continued....
Monday, August 19, 2013
I have been feeling pretty blessed today. I have the best family, a great job, the opportunity to be working towards a Master's Degree...at no cost to myself. I love so many people and I am loved in return. I am so grateful for this life that I have. I wouldn't change a thing.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
On January 25, 2013 Princess S joined our family six weeks earlier than expected. The six months since that have been a whirlwind. We are a bigger, busier, and closer family than we have ever been before. All of my home minutes are filled with love and all of the challenges that you would expect for a mom of three. I wouldn't change a thing.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
I have to be honest. By the time she came along I had spent years in the top of that guest closet. I had pretty much decided that I was at the end of my road. I had begun to forget my previous life. That small closet and the comfort of the hand made quilts that surrounded me were all I knew. I ensured the faded yellow quilt that I was not sad. I had had a good life.
Then in 1989 the Girl showed up for a sleep over. She and her little sister were the daughters of the Man's new girlfriend. I will never forget that night. As soon as she put her frizzy brown head
(She had not yet learned about not running brushes through her curly hair after it was dry) on me, I was in love. She told her sister that I was the most comfortable pillow ever.
The next morning she asked the Man if she could have me. And he said YES!
I have been with the Girl since. I was there when her mom married the Man and she moved out into the country. I was there when she lay in the bed with her sister talking about how scared she was to ride a new bus to school on the first day of eighth grade. It wasn't fair that the girls had to ride two different buses. Their whole lives they had ridden to school with the same people. I was there in high school to absorb her tears when she cried over the boys. I went with her to Mississippi State in August of 1995. And every single time she came home, I was there with her.
I was there in 1996 when they brought her new niece home from the hospital. Her mom gave her a hard time about laying that pretty baby on me in her lap. She thought I was dirty. The Girl just laughed and said that I would be there in the bed at the hospital when her babies were born. Her mom just shook her head.
I was there the first time the Boyfriend spent the night in 1998. Looking back I can't believe that they both slept in that twin size bed. Even more impressive was that she shared me with him. She had never let anyone else lay their head on me (other than her sweet baby niece) at night in the nine years we had been together. I remember how happy the Girl was. I remember when he became the Husband the very next year. I was glad that he would be with us forever. Most nights, I spend pressed against the side of his face. I have always appreciated the fact that he doesn't seem to mind me being there.
I remember when the Girl ran in screaming and crying and laughing and jumped on the bed to tell the Husband that she was pregnant. I am here to tell you that if not for me, she would not have slept a wink in the 18 month she has spent pregnant. As the girl had predicted, I was there at the hospital when she had her babies. Her mom made sure that I had three layers of clean pillow cases even though the Girl washed me three times before taking me to the hospital.
Some of my favorite memories are of the girl laying those sweet babies on me while she fed them and held them close. I also loved when the Boy got older and he would ask to sleep on me. The Girl would often let me comfort him to sleep when he was sick. Just this morning the boy and his Sister crawled in bed with their mom to snuggle. They lay there and told her they loved her while I cradled the boys head (It is not as curly as it used to be. I think he may be growing up on us) and the little Girl ran my pillow case through her fingers.
I have been with the girl for 23 years. Sometimes that is hard to believe. We have only spent a handful of nights apart. A few times I have spent the night with the Husband, the Boy, and the Little Girl because the Girl had to go somewhere on an airplane. I have also spent two nights in an overnight shipping box because the Girl accidentally forgot me at her Mom's. Even though the mom insists she doesn't like me, she always gets me back to her Girl as quickly as possible.
Twenty three years...wow. It really does seem like just yesterday that I was in the top of that closet telling the faded handmade quilt how good my life had been.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Princess H had a big time at her first Cookie Rally for Girl Scouts last night. She was apparently appropriately indoctrinated. She woke me up this morning by jumping on my bed and declaring, "Mom! The cookie sale starts today! We need to get started! Let's go!"
I told her to calm down. We have a couple of weeks to sell. She looked at me like I was insane."Mom. The Girl Scout OWNER told me that it starts today and YOU have to listen to the owner."
Who can argue with the owner?
Thursday, January 19, 2012
If someone could help me make the days longer that would be great. This is a start.